Only Full-Time Need Apply.....

"I couldn't stand the thought of being a part-time mom to my kids...."

Seriously....that's what she said. No, I didn't rip her head off....but I wanted to. I didn't comment on the audacity and impossibility of her statement...but I wanted to.

Actually, it made me think of my helpers....Those wonderful people who are there when I can't be. Who don't think twice about wiping my kids noses or booties. Who give treats, hugs, and reassurance...to the kids and mom.

I have been amazingly blessed in this department. My first babysitter with The Scientist volunteered for the job. The second, too. Then on to preschool...I loved those teachers.....

Pretty Princess's first sitter I didn't know well, but was told by the Spirit to call her. (Yelled at my the Spirit, actually) Later I found out that they were struggling to make ends meet and what I offered to pay her was just the amount. She was awesome. It's not everyone who will roll out of bed, pregnant and nauseous to let someone else's toddler wander in at 7:00am.

Don't even get me started on the back-up list. Those people you can call when your regular arrangements are a no-go. I have been blessed with friends who would answer their phone at 6:30am and happily tell me to drop off my little one at 7:00am. I once had an work emergency come up in the evening and Brutus was stuck at school. I ended up taking The Scientist and a couple of jars of baby food (I picked up on the way, since we hadn't even been home yet) to a friends house--she then fed him and took care of him until way in the evening.

Now I am blessed with a neighbor who looks forward to Fridays with the girls, a great friend who sends me notes about Sweet Angel's day, and an amazing 16 year old who loves to spend a few days a week during the summer taking care of 3 energetic kids. (No kidding..this girl actually calls me and volunteers to watch my kids.....)

Do any of them replace me? No, they never could. At one point I feared that. But I've learned that it's not possible. No matter where I am, I'm the mommy....Full-Time Mommy

Reality Hits---Like an anvel...

Brutus - Has a bunch of hearings and meetings scheduled over the next month....Every one is on the afternoon of a day I work; an afternoon he's supposed to be home with kids. EVERY ONE!

Scientist - Oh, what can I say. If only he was vocal, or clingy, or demanding. Alas, he appears to be at risk of becoming a sociopath. Defiance, disobedience, lying....they have all come out in the past couple of days.

Pretty Princess - "Mom, I just want to stay HOME today!" "Mom, you just have to be with ME today!" Princess = 1, Laundry/Grocery Shopping/Dishes = 0

Sweet Angel - Spent the night in our bed. It was the only way we could get her to sleep. She crawled over to me, snuggled in (she is a spoon-er!) and slept on my arm all night. This afternoon, I ended up having to put her in the sling to make dinner. She wouldn't let me put her down from 3-8pm. It took 2 hours to get her to bed. I ran outside once this morning to get something out of the car, and she flipped out! Made me cry...a couple of times.....

Feeling down, frustrated, questioning, guilty....

Here's to Thursday!

Did ya miss me?

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Obsessing a bit perhaps.

Do I want my kids to miss me? How much?

I called Brutus this afternoon to see how the girls were. Pretty Princess painted sticks and used them to practice counting and didn't want to eat her lunch. Sweet Angel had fun playing with the babysitters sweet kids......and didn't want to leave.

What?

Apparently, Sweet Angel cried and threw a tantrum when Brutus tried to take her home.

Enter--Rational Mom
"Oh, how wonderful!. She's already settled in and enjoying being
at the babysitters. She is obviously having fun and being treated well.
Yeah!"

Oh, wait.. I forgot...I'm not Rational Mom. Therefore the conversation --in my head -- went more like this.....
"What? Why? Doesn't she remember me? Doesn't she remember
home? Does she love the babysitter more than me? Is she
distancing herself from me so soon? This is only day 2!"

I bought some mini-M&M's...And a chocolate milk...

Thus, the conflict. Naturally, I don't want my kids to be miserable when I'm at work. I want them to be happy. I want her to like the babysitter and her kids and have fun and play and laugh. I want Pretty Princess to enjoy preschool and focus on things there. I want them all to have fun and take advantage of the extra time they're having with their dad. Most kids don't have that. They won't have it forever. It's nice.

But, I fear being replaced by babysitters, teachers, coaches....even Brutus. I fear losing touch, being distanced, having our bond weakened. I'm petrified of Sweet Angel not being a mommy's girl. I've never had one of those...I LOVE it. I don't want to lose it.

I want to not have to think about this any more tonight.......